Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Ultimate Manly Man's Medical Kit

I've been thinking, what would be the ultimate manly man's medical kit? It would have to be simple, and it would have to contain items that make the medical establishment wince. I have a list of 5 items that should do the trick. What do you think?

  1. Alcohol. This should be something like tequilla or vodka. It can be applied topically as an antiseptic, or taken internally as needed.

  2. Multi-tool. Think Swiss army knife or leatherman. A good, sharp blade is a must. Tweezers are nice, but not mandatory.

  3. Fishing line. I was originally thinking dental floss, but that's not manly enough. Dunk your lightweight fishing line in the alcohol, and apply stitches as needed.

  4. Lint free shop towels. Get these in various sizes, or just use large ones and cut strips. These make an array of bandages, slings, and tournaquettes.

  5. Duct tape. Honestly, what manly man worth his space on earth doesn't have this wonder material. An acceptable alternative to duct tape is gaffers tape. It's stickier. It's black. It's like cloth. It's perfect.

All other needs can be improvised from your surroundings. For any medical condition beyond the ability of this kit to render aid, simply drink the entire bottle of alcohol and wait for your doom.

(Do I really need to tell you that this isn't serious?)


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